If your daily to-do list looks anything like mine has, it’s no wonder you fall victim to putting yourself last on the long list of constant priorities. Most of us have unconsciously decided that our personal needs are somehow less important than work, chores, or whatever others require of us. And so, more often than not, we allow our needs to be bumped further and further down the list until oops, they’re pushed to the last sliver of time, and then gee, that last time slot disintegrates before your eyes. Obviously the problem is trying to stay on top of everything without neglecting yourself in the meantime.

Well, I found a solution to this conundrum that has worked for me, and I wanted to share it with you. My little epiphany came along when I decided to reverse the thought process of traditional practices – and guess what? Things actually started to fall into place quite easily. I was able to find that balance in life I was craving, because it included myself as a priority.

Admittedly, at first I had to overcome some of that ugly guilt that loves to show up and scold – how dare you switch up the system! Regardless, I did my best to override that nagging instinct and just decided to give this new idea a shot. After all, looking back, I had to acknowledge that some of my best successes had directly followed a bit of relaxation. So with a little persistence (and yes, the occasional internal battle) I decided to commit to this new plan of ‘taking time for myself.’

So here are the steps I walked myself through in order to achieve my goal.

First, I had to be willing to stop and pay attention to any negative patterns I had developed in my life. I asked myself, What’s not working? Why? (This can feel daunting, but I hung in there.) I noticed that I was constantly feeling rushed and was becoming agitated by the simplest things more frequently than not. Sound at all familiar? Well, when I finally paused to reflect on this, I recognized the past had already proven that taking some ‘time out for myself’ had actually increased my energy level, reduced stress, and boosted my productivity in much of what I was trying to achieve. So, now that I was in touch with that reminder, and since I had honed in on the problem disrupting my life, which was begging to be addressed, the solution started to come into focus.

Second, I allowed myself to embrace the fact that ‘time for myself’ belongs in the same category as the essential requirements in life. The air we breathe. The water we drink. I mean, we know what it takes to survive – we don’t suffocate ourselves or get so dehydrated that we pass out. Why do we run ourselves ragged and push ourselves so beyond the limit that we no longer function properly? We shouldn’t deprive ourselves of the revitalizing power of personal time. Ignoring this basic need only results in a less obvious version of suffocating or dying of thirst – in other words, burning yourself out. Once I felt the impact of this incredibly significant yet simple truth, I was able to move to the next step with more clarity.

Third, I realistically defined what ‘time for myself’ would look like. Originally, I started by making a list of all the things I wish I had time for, but I quickly discovered I was veering off track. Figuring out what ‘time for myself’ actually means became a bit challenging, because I had to remove the needs of others from the equation and focus on me alone. It felt extremely selfish, but it did help me to narrow down my list and stay focused on the actual goal. Ultimately I decided that I’d like some time to meditate and clear my mind of distraction on a regular basis. I also concluded that I want some ‘free time’ every week. Free time for me means no work, no tasks, no obligations. Just time to do whatever calls to me. Like taking a walk, not because I have somewhere to go or because the dog needs to go out. Or indulging in a favorite craft or hobby because it’s enjoyable and sparks my creativity, not because it needs to be completed for somebody else. For you, it may be curling up with a good book – without interruption. Or perhaps it’s watching the sunrise, or gazing at the stars, or even just staring at a wall for no reason if you want! The point is, search yourself to find what ‘taking time for yourself’ means. Be honest with yourself. Don’t allow ulterior motives, external obligations, or guilt to interfere. Just stay focused on the task at hand and remember that this is a basic need, something you owe yourself.

For my final step, I created a contract with myself, committing to set aside ‘time for myself.’ In other words, I decided to get real and actually put myself on my to-do list. I was specific about the amount of time I would be dedicating to it, and I decided my contract should be taken as seriously as any other contract I’ve entered into. I had to keep all the above steps in mind and apply common sense and practical judgment, but I did find a way to do it. My final contract with myself included ten minutes of meditation each night before bed, no matter what. As for my ‘free time,’ I’ve allotted three hours per week. At the beginning of each week I analyze my upcoming schedule, and I ink in those three hours, and I stick to it.

It felt challenging at first, adjusting and committing to a personal contract this way, to ‘taking time for myself.’ But I have trained myself to remember that it is a well-deserved and necessary part of reaching my full potential. It’s no different than needing sleep, air, water, or food. It’s all about prioritizing yourself so you can truly offer your best to everything else.